what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
