My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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