I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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