Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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