Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
