Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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