I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
