he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
