I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
