He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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