McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
