No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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