and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
