its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
this boner is exhausting
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
