Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
