i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
