So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
