Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
