3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What changed your mind?
Being sober
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
