I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
This beer is not sobering me up at all
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
