chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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