i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
