$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Still dying that you shit outside
Randomize
