Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
