How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
