Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
