sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
