The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
