You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
