Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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