i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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