ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
