Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
