Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
