I think I died a long time ago.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
