so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
