You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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