I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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