I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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