she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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