he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
