He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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