What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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