I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
