brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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