Your face is a jimmy john
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
