did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
