who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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