I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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