Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
