I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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