Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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